I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
