So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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