What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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