I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
