5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
