my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
