Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
