That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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