Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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