we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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