my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
