My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
