You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
