How'd it feel making her break her religion?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
