literally had 100 drinks last night.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
