my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
