apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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