And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
