I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
