he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
