youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
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I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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