do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
