If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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