Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Enjoy the penises
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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