why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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