Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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