i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
