The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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