I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
