U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
