Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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