it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
