I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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