I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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