Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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