my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
