its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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