What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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