I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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