last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
