Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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