Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
