my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm always down for nudity.
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