This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
