508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
