So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
