hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
