So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
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Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
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I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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