Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
