I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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