Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
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You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
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Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic