the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel