and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
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I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
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I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.