Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment