Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
we made out on top of his cat.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
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Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
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Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.