8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
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i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
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Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.