For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
