She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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