I want to make a zoo with you.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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