my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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