Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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