Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
