You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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