Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
ttyl tear gas
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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