she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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