he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
