The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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