who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
