the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
