she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
