Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
