No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think people are normalizing furries
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
