I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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