either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
