Say something about gay babies.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
