if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
